I am a mess.

I am a mess and I need Jesus.

This is the hard lesson I have been learning. But I'm am realizing that there is a freedom in learning it. In realizing I can't do it, that I'm not enough. There's a freedom. It's the freedom of realizing I can't do it so I can stop striving to be what I'm not, I can stop performing, trying, doing. Because I can't. I am not enough.

But. He. Is.

My Jesus is enough. And He's the only one who can make me enough. I don't need to try to be enough, because simply I can't be. When I stop "trying" and just rest in Him He makes me enough. He makes me into what I'm not. He uses me in spite of what I'm not.
I am not enough. But He is. I can't do it all or even just part of it. But He can. I don't have it all together. I'm a mess, I'm broken, weary and tired. But He isn't. He's not overwhelmed with what I'm not. It doesn't scare Him. Instead He pours out His love and invites me saying, "Come, watch and see what I can do in and through your mess. See what I can do in and through YOU." And when I do I find this incredibly joy and freedom of being wanted and loved in spite of my failings.

So, yes, I'm a mess. But that's ok, because somehow my Jesus makes that seem small. In His unending love He calls and says, "Come", and when I do I find that He is enough. And suddenly all I want to do is to shout,
"THIS IS MY JESUS! My Jesus who makes a mess into something beautiful!"

~Rachel

Another Ending

I'm not sure how it happened again, but my time in Colorado has come and gone again. YWAM time is so weird it seems like so long but at the same time it's so short. It seems so long because so much happens and you grow and learn so much. You grow so close to people and you have such deep relationships. But it seems short because the days go by fast and before you even realize it it's over and you're already having to say goodbye to the people who have come to be so dear to you.

Phase 2 (The School of Ministry Development) was amazing! I grew and learned so much! I know that there's some of it that I haven't even realized yet. But there are a few things I know I learned. If I could sum up what Phase 2 was for me I would call it the school of brokenness.
I learned to be humble during Phase 2. I learned that on my own I am weak and that there's a lot I don't know yet, that there's a lot I haven't figured out. I learned how much I need the Lord and that when I realize that I can't do it on my own that He can then do amazing things through me.
I also learned how much I need other people. That the Lord has given me people to support me and that I can support. That doing life together with other people is the best way to live.
On my own I am weak but with the Lord and other people then I am strong!
I learned so many other lessons also: I learned to trust the Lord more. I learned that being a leader is really about being a servant. I learned that success really is just being obedient and faithful to what God has called you to.
Phase 2 definitely didn't teach me the lessons I was expecting it to, but it was so good! That doesn't mean it was always easy, because honestly it was really hard sometimes. But in the midst of it God was always good and I wouldn't trade this time for anything! God took me deeper than He ever has before and I'm so thankful for it.

And now it's over and that's hard too. I'm going to miss everyone so much! The fun times we had together, the hard times, the lessons we all learned. These people were there for me through everything and it was so hard to say goodbye. They weren't just my classmates or roommates, they are my friends. They are my friends and they always will be. And I am so thankful for that!

So I'm back home again and I'm not completely sure what this next chapter of life holds for me. I have some ideas and some thoughts about it and I'm really excited for what's in store! I know that it's going to be good! And I know it's going to be good because I have a good God who will be with me every step of the way and because He has surrounded me with amazing people who I know will always be there for me.

So it's another ending. But really it's just a new beginning. I'm so thankful for the time I've had in Colorado and the memories I have made that I'll never forget.
But I'm going to keep moving forward, being faithful where I'm at and I know as I do that the journey ahead is going to be amazing!

So, until next time!
~Rachel

November, where did you go???

Well here I am again and where did November go??? Thanksgiving is in just a couple days and then I only have two weeks left here after that! Phase 2 has been amazing and I have learned so much! I've learned so much that sometimes I've felt like my head was going to explode if I put any more information in it! But so far so good on that front! :)

We've had a variety of topics in the last few weeks from Finances, to Effective Ministry, to Global Missions. They have all been so good! I've learned a lot and definitely been stretched to think about what I actually think about things. It's been great!
I've also almost finished all my school projects/homework. We've had book reports, an outreach project, a vision project and a couple speeches. I only have one speech left then all my projects are done!

Besides all that it's just been fun to be here and really continue to build deep relationships with the people around me. I'm going to miss all these people so much! But for now I'm just going to enjoy these last couple weeks of learning and making memories with them!

Well I think that's all I have for now! Until next time!
~Rachel

Half Way!

Well another few weeks have flown by again! I'm now over half way through my time here, which is crazy! It's gone by so fast!

The last few weeks have been much calmer then the weeks before that. At least in that there have been no major events to report (since my appendix is now gone that can't cause any more trouble! Lol!). Definitely a good thing!

We have been super busy though! We've had a lot of events and stuff happening here on top of all our classes.
Last week as a class project to practice our leadership skills and how to work together we put on a outdoor movie night for everyone here on base. We planned everything from getting a projector to buying snacks to advertising. It was a lot of fun and everyone enjoyed the night!

I've also just been learning a ton! Our teachers have been amazing and on top of that God has been teaching me so much! In class we've been learning a lot about how important it is to take care of what God has already given us, and how from that place of stewarding our gifts well we can then help and lead others. We've also been learning about the importance of our word and how everything we say should be speaking life over people, never speaking to bring them down.
And then God has been teaching me so much about relying on Him. Trusting that when I know what He wants me to do that I can move forward in that in confidence and that I can trust Him to walk with me through it.

So things have been busy, sometimes hard, but so good! I'm still loving it here! And I can't wait for what God has in store for these next 6 weeks here!

~Rachel

I get to call these amazing people friends! It's pretty awesome! :)

Did that really happen??? (Things have been crazy!)

Well, where do I even start??? The last two weeks have been crazy!!! So much has happened!

Two weeks ago we drove 5 hours to western Colorado, to another one of YWAM Denver's locations called Electric Mountain. It was a beautiful drive there and the base itself is gorgeous! We were right in the mountains, in the middle of nowhere and all the colors of the trees were changing. It was so beautiful!

We spent a week up there. Since we were in the middle of nowhere it was nice to not have any distractions and just be able to focus on learning and growing in my relationship with the Lord and being able to grow deeper relationships with the other members of my school and the staff. I feel like we all became more of a family while we were there. It was a good time of refreshing, relaxing, learning and fun! While we were there our days consisted of classes about Bible study, and being a Bible centered leader. Then in the evenings we'd sit around the fire outside, or play games, ride on the ATVs or just hang out. We all loved it there and didn't want to come back. But our week did come to an end and we headed back to the Denver base.

Then this past week took an interesting twist! The week started out normal. We had class on Monday, we were learning about identity and our strengths and how to use those. Then on Monday evening my stomach wasn't feeling good, I woke up on Tuesday and it still hurt but I also had a weird pain in the area where my appendix is. The pain didn't go away, so Tuesday evening my roommates took me to the ER. It turned out the my appendix was inflamed 3 times the size it should be and they told me I should have it removed so it wouldn't burst. So on Tuesday night last week I had surgery. What!?!? Definitely not what I was expecting to happen last week! The surgery went fine and my friends stayed with me and took good care of me! They're great! So then the rest of my week was spent resting and recovering.
It still kind of feels like a dream. Like, did that really happen? It's just weird! But I am doing much better now! Still healing from the surgery, but I've been getting back into the swing of things and definitely have a lot more energy now! I'm moving in the right direction!

So yes it's been a crazy couple of weeks. Definitely not what I was expecting to happen! But even with all that it's still been great! And God just keeps showing me and reminding me how truly good He is! So, crazy, or unexpected, or whatever I'm still loving it here and can't wait to keep growing with God!

Rachel

New friends, new lessons & good coffee

So here I am again in Denver! It's so weird to be back in this place that I know and have grown to love so much.

I've been here for almost two weeks and I've learned so much already! It's been so good to see some of my old friends, but also to make new friends! I only have two roommates, and I love them! They never fail to make me laugh and I feel like I've known them forever!

Our first week was a lot of introduction stuff and time set aside to just get to know everyone better. Then this week was our first week of lectures/teaching. I learned so much! God's really been teaching me about how we are to serve and follow Him even when there are trials and hardships. How He can be completely relied upon and trusted no matter what. It's been so good!

This next week we're going to spend the week up the mountain. I'm excited to actually be in the mountains again! (Where we are now is in a suburb of Denver).
We won't have internet or cell service, but I'm excited to be able to just spend some time building relationship! It should be good!

So anyways, it's been a pretty good start to these three months of learning how to be a good leader! I've made some amazing friends, listening to some really good teaching and drank lots of coffee! Lol!

~Rachel

Back to Denver again!

Well here I am again, on a plane heading back to Denver. It's hard to believe that it was a whole year ago when I made this journey for the first time. Time flies! Haha! :)

I'm on my way back to YWAM Denver to do a secondary school called The School of Ministry Development/Phase 2. This school is a leadership and ministry school and it lasts 3 months. I'm so excited to learn some more tools for serving people and doing ministry! I know this will be an amazing time of learning and growing! I'm not completely sure what all to expect but I know I'm going to be doing it with Jesus so it will be amazing!

For those of you who want to know what I'm up to and what I'm learning I will try to update my blog every couple weeks. :)

And if you want to keep in contact with me you can text, email, call, Facebook message, whatever! I'd love to hear from you!
Also if you feel so inclined I can receive mail at:
Rachel Cisewski
Fall SOMD 2015
c/o Youth With A Mission
12750 W. 63rd Ave.
Arvada, CO 80004

So, off I go! Another adventure with the Lord! And I can't wait to see what He has in store. Let this new journey begin!
~Rachel